Determined.

disclaimer: this is a personal post

When I was 5, I learn to read using the Bacalah Anakku series (go google if you've no idea about it). Bacalah Anakku has 9 series of book to be finished. I brought the book and I'll tag along with umi just about anywhere umi went to. Umi's cooking in the kitchen? I'll be by her side asking her to check my reading. Umi's washing the dishes? There I'll be patiently beside her. Most of the time when umi couldn't sit by my side when she's doing house chores, I'll be the one who's going to take the initiative.

When I was 6, I went to a Qur'anic centre. There was an ustazah with loud voice. Every time she raised her voice, I thought she was mad at me. One evening, I decided to ran away from the centre. I don't think I remember the way back to my home really well. But all I know, I just wanted to get out from there. Just because I think the ustazah was scolding me when in fact she's actually scolding other kids. I walked as fast as I can. And suddenly the ustazah chased after me with her car and she sent me home. Umi and ayah laughed at me when they knew what I was up to.

When I was 9, I vomited on the table during the final year examination. I didn't remember well on how sick I was, but umi said I was too stressed out to do well for the exam up to the point my body couldn't handle the stress anymore. Haha. Imagine a standard 3 student being so stress. Umi and ayah never pushed us so hard. I don't know why I was putting pressure on myself. Poor little Zahidah.

skip all the childhood memories,

When I'm 20, I'm a JPK in my campus. I wanted to invite the speakers I love. I wanted to organize an event.   I had many ideas inside my head. I contacted Kak Wardina, Kak Fatimah Syarha, Ana Raffali's manager, Xifu Naser, Jo Yee, Ustaz Don's manager, Aiman Azlan, one of Langit Ilahi's personnel, I contacted them all. Being 'aci redah' through and through. Months before the program, I've started to contact them. My friends said I was being all 'semangat' but uhm, that's what makes Zahidah Azman a Zahidah Azman. <--- what kind of sentence is this? *smacks forehead*

After going through ups and downs (ceh drama), we (I couldn't have made it by myself!) managed to organize Forum Anjung Cinta with Kak Fatimah Syarha and Dr. Farhan Hadi as the panel. I never imagined myself to be a project manager. Never. Because I'm the type of a quiet person who loves and enjoys to work in the organization. I'm more of a follower than a leader. But I know I have it in me. It's just that I'm limiting myself to go beyond the ordinary line.

Why did I push myself though?

Because I know that I need to do what I want.

Thummalhamdulillah.

p/s: i need and want that so badly. thus i'll keep my faith up high. i won't give up trying and make du'as. i know i have Him. always have and always will. closer than the vein! Allahu Allah.