keep going

'semoga angah dapat ___________'

"ameen."

smiling all over, tonight?
alhamdulillah for the ukhuwah.

keep on making du'as.

ikhlas.
Allah nilai yang itu.
back to box number one.

"aku perlukan *sekian sekian* meskipun aku *sekian sekian* kerana *sekian sekian* demi kepentingan dakwah dan tarbiyah buat keluarga, semata kerana-Mu, wahai Allah."

semoga begitu hendaknya.
permudahkanlah.

kalau bukan sebab Dia, babai la.
sia-sia jadinya.

****

when you know your two purposes of life, everything you do, every single thing will be guided. by the will of Allah. but those who refuse to grab the hidayah and chance He has given, too bad, peluang mungkin datang sekali je.

sometimes i get tired when i hear,
"tunggu dapat hidayah."

when, my dear, when?

go and reach for it!

na'uzubillah, never do i intend to show off. na'uzubillah. but trust me, i've gone through it. i learnt the hard way. He didn't simply let me find tarbiyah by kakak-naqibah-datang-bawa-usrah-di-kampus-lalu-saya-pun-dipaksa-join-sekali-dan-akhirnya-saya-sendiri-jatuh-cinta. NO. i didn't find tarbiyah that way.

saya mencari.
macam orang buta.
yang meraba-raba dalam gelap.
bukan buta pada mata.
tapi hati.

i looked real hard, but there wasn't anyone who's willing to catch me and hold my hand and show me the light.

i asked a makcik whether there's any usrah in kuala pilah and the answer she gave me was a no.
i asked a kakak to help me find any usrah in my campus area and the answer was the same. it was a no.

up to the point I asked Him,

"kenapa susah sangat, ya Allah?"

He wants me to learn the hard way.
Allah Al-Khaliq, He is my Creator.
He knows me more than I know myself. He is Allah Al-'Alim.
He loves me more than my umi loves me. He is Allah Al-Wadood.

saya boleh pilih untuk merajuk dan putus asa.
saya boleh pilih untuk jadi hamba pada korea, pada fashion, pada segala macam hedonisme.
saya boleh pilih untuk berkawan tanpa batasan. tanpa ikhtilat yang terjaga.
saya boleh pilih untuk jadi saya dua tahun yang dulu.

but i choose to stay.

my dear sisters, life is but about making choices.
'cause in the end we'll be left with only two choices; Jannah or Jahannam.

and surely, if being asked, i'm certain that nobody wants to enter the Jahannam.
but seeing the way we live our daily life, how safe do we think we are from the burning fire of it?
we are expecting to step into the Jannah when it is Big Bang concert that we concern the most.
we are expecting to step into the Jannah when we went all gelak-tak-ingat-dunia while watching Running Man.
we are expecting to step into the Jannah when we think we've done it enough by sharing some islamic status updates or religious tweets.
seriously?
how.is.that.even.possible?

saya masih belajar untuk mengejar.
kadang-kadang saya jatuh.
kadang-kadang saya menangis.
kadang-kadang saya lemah.
sebab saya memang layak rasa macam tu.
saya ni hamba.
hina.

kalau ada yang saya boleh tolong, please do tell me.
email, fb, twitter, anything. do reach me.
setakat yang saya mampu, saya akan tolong.

i miss chasing and photographing you around, ya amirul mu'minin my soleh and handsome lil sweetheart

nak anak soleh/solehah, mama dia kena jadi solehah dulu. abah yang soleh kita boleh fikir lain kali. yakin je dengan [24:26]