late night conversation

i was having supper after helping ayah compiling his phd thesis with umi. then we had some intellectual conversation. i told umi how inspired i am with harry fear, a journalist who's so dedicated and fearless, covering what's happening in gaza. a true journalist, i must say. i wanted to be like him, but seeing how the media in malaysia is, i feel hopeless and devastated. seriously, when will everything change? the public has the right to know what IS right and what is not. not the way the news are being served as how some people with (maybe) any sort of hidden agenda want them to be.

i came across a channel where i see the man wearing a 'Free Palestine' muffler. i was so excited when i see that. i thought they were going to discuss the issue regarding our brothers and sisters in palestine, but no, sadly it was not the issue. what saddens me even more is it is about something political yada yada yada i better not say the issue else it'll become controversial then you people start to judge me or anything. heh. i may not be eligible to vote but i've had my own political stand ever since i was 7. up till today. my stand is still the same. i mean it. i've been observing the political scene in malaysia since i was at that age. i'm 20 now and insha Allah i'm becoming more matured to understand better.

during GenQ last week, one of the participants asked me something regarding one of the current issue. i actually had to control myself from letting a big sigh in front of her. i was upset when the people, the innocent teenagers as for her case are being fooled with the way some statements and news are being manipulated. i don't usually like to show my stand in front of my friends. in fact when they are talking bout something which is totally against my political stand, i'd prefer to stay quiet because i don't want to end up quarreling with them.

when i complained to umi about this issue, and how long will it last this way, umi said,

"people like hilal asyraf will insha-Allah be the agent of changes."

i want to be somebody too. i want to contribute something. i don't want to simply score in the exam, graduated with good grades, get a job and make no difference to the society. i don't live for that.

then umi and i discussed about the caliphs in tamadun abbasiyah. umi told me that khalifah harun ar-rasyid leads only for a short time. but people keep on repeating his name, so does his son. all of the other caliphs, their names are so so unfamiliar to me. only when i read the novel of hulagu khan by pak latip this evening i know some of their names. i believe that they're unknown because their lack of contribution and most of the caliphs towards the end of the tamadun were blinded by the worldly affairs that they become forgetful of their sole purpose of living. may Allah forgive them and may we take heed of the history. my emotion was totally evoked as i was reading the novel. the empire that was built for 500 years, simply is destroyed by the mongol, and the caliph died when he is rolled in the tikar (ahh apa benda tikar dalam english tak boleh fikir dah malam2 ni). Allah! that's very embarrassing and.... saddening.

history was not really my favourite subject back in school. but i do score it better compared to my science subject.

only after i was literally brainwashed upon joining ISK, i'm yearning to know more about the history of islam. i want to read more and watch more videos of Rasulullah, the sahabah, the great figures of islam. i couldn't care less about all the fav singers, actors and what-nots that i used to adore. i always feel down when i realize that my knowledge about sirah is so little to be compared to other akhawat.

must.improve.myself!

Allah. what's the point of this entry, really?
i just realize that my writing english is becoming worse, lack of vocab, boring and hampeh. may Allah guide me to write better. if there's any good in my writing, alhamdulillah. if there isn't, may Allah forgive me. do correct me if i'm wrong. :)